


The First's Gift

by AngelynMoon



Series: Candle [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec dies a couple times but it's okay he lives, Alec has a Dark side, Awkward Jace is Awkward, F/F, F/M, M/M, Maryse was a bad Parent She's trying, Non-consentual drugging (not meant for bad purposes), Robert Lightwood is a bad parent, Sex talk with Alec., So... the Major Character Death is a tag, Torture, Valentine is a bad man, mentions of bad parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 07:06:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13993044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelynMoon/pseuds/AngelynMoon
Summary: Summary: 5 + 1 Five times Alec realizes that he's immortal now and one time he tells someone.I know that Warlocks are only immune to dying of old age but due to Caelen being the first of his kind or due to his father (I have another headcanon that Demon parents choose what their child's demon mark is (I headcanon the First's father as Lucifer and that his love of a Mortal was part of the reason for his fall)) the only way that he could die was by passing his immortality to someone else, so Alec can't die like normal Warlock's do since he has the immortality from the First.





	1. The first time

Summary: 5 + 1 Five times Alec realizes that he's immortal now and one time he tells someone.

I know that Warlocks are only immune to dying of old age but due to Caelen being the first of his kind or due to his father (I have another head canon that Demon parents choose what their child's demon mark is (I head canon the First's father as Lucifer and that his love of a Mortal was part of the reason for his fall)) the only way that he could die was by passing his immortality to someone else, so Alec can't die like normal Warlock's do since he has the immortality from the First.

Towards the end there is a bit of DarkAlec in regards to Robert Lightwood getting a well deserved punishment. Alec has no remorse for what he did thus the DarkAlec warning.

\----------------

Alec arrived home from the field of flowers with the single potted bloom in hand. Smiling at the music playing from Magnus' workroom Alec went to the balcony and set the bloom where the wind would not knock it down but it would get plenty of sunlight.

"Alexander, is that you?" Magnus called.

"Yeah."

"How was your visit?" Magnus asked as he stood at the door that led to the balcony.

"It was..." Alec wasn't sure what to say.

Alec sat on one of the lounge chairs, what could he say, 'Oh, I was called to see the First Warlock, he told me that I was descended from Johnathan Shadowhunter, oh, and now he's dust.' 

"Alexander?" Magnus asked, sitting next to him, "You know you can say anything, or nothing."

Alec smiled, in the last few months of Alec living with Magnus they had established that the Loft was a kind of safe space for Alec, baring a huge betrayal of trust or breach of safety, Magnus would not hold anything against Alec. If they were in the middle of something and Alec needed to retreat to his nest, he could do so without a word, Magnus preferred to talk about it later when the thing Alec had needed away from was over or gone but Magnus had also established that that was only necessary to prevent it from happening again.

Magnus had been really proud that when his friends had been over Alec had allowed him to hold him on his lap, that he'd even fallen asleep in their presence, yes, one of those friends had been Ragnor but Alec sometimes retreated away from him too.

"It was sad." Alec finally said.

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry." Magnus said as he drew Alec into his arms.

Alec let Magnus hold him for a moment before drawing away.

"It was sad for me but... I ... I think it was good for him." Alec explained softly as he looked at the flower he had brought home, the silver stains almost twinkling in the bright sunlight, "Yeah, I'm sure it was good for him."

\---------

Alec followed Isabelle discreetly knowing that if she knew he was acting as back up on what was just a scouting mission she'd be pissed but Alec had noticed that she was leaving without her whip, which meant that Robert Lightwood hadn't given it back yet and Alec was going to deal with the stupid man he owed part of his existance to, but later, his first priority was making sure his little sister was safe.

They made their way through the streets silently, invisibly and Alec almost missed wandering through the city without having to report to anyone. But, Alec supposed, if Magnus was his reward for reporting to the Clave more regularly he could live with that.

Isabelle stopped and drew her weapon and Alec looked around, trying to find what had alerted her to danger and almost cursed, Why, why did it have to be a Greater Demon?

Alec drew his own weapon and lighted it, drawing the Demon's interest, Alec always wondered why Demon's seemed drawn to Lighted Seraph blades, was it only because they were once theirs?

\------

Izzy frowned as the Demon passed her and charged away and down a nearby alley, worried that it was a Mundane she raced after it and stared in shock and slight awe as she watched James fight the Demon, she'd known that fighting Greater Demons was his specialty, that that was one of the main reasons that the Clave allowed him so much freedom before they learned who he really was but it was one thing to see it in his file and another thing to see it first hand as he leapt and slashed at the Demon.

She wondered why his blade was lighted, she knew from the reports James had written that a Lighted Blade drew Greater Demons like nothing they had ever found.

The Demon slammed James into a wall and Izzy could not help the scream she gave, "JAMES!"

The Demon turned to her and Izzy let her instincts take over and just when she was pinned to the ground, sure that her end was near.....

\---------

The Demon burst into Ichor and Alec coughed a little as the Demon dust entered his lungs. He stared down at his sister, she looked suprised and terrified, then again she had almost died, so, Alec was going to let her be for a moment.

Isabelle pushed herself up shakily and then looked at Alec, "James, are you okay, I saw you hit the wall."

Alec stared at her and hoped that she just saw him hit the wall, that she hadn't seen the way his blade had been thrown into his chest. Alec had been expecting to die, die choking on his own blood as he gasped for breath, only death hadn't come, the darkness, the cold, the heavy limbs that Alec always associated with near death and thus was how it would likely feel to die, hadn't come.

So, Alec had tugged his blade out of his chest and felt the wound knit itself together, he'd zipped up his jacket to hide the hole in his shirt and the blood before Isabelle could see, he didn't want to worry her or have her ask too many questions, questions even Alec didn't have the answers to.

"I'm..." Alec paused, wondering what to say exactly, "I'm not hurt." He decided.

"Good, we'd better get back, we need to report a Greater Demon in the area." Isabelle said, "Hey, were you following me?"

Alec smiled a little, when he got back to the Institute he'd let Isabelle go see Lydia while he went to see Robert and they were going to have a nice long talk about taking his daughter's weapon of choice, if the an was smart he'd go to Idris and stay there.

\-------------

"What do you mean Valentine and his son escaped?!" Clary shouted as they were entering the Institute.

"Shit!" Isabelle cried as she rushed forward, "How did this happen?"

Lydia looked at them, "We were transporting them for De-Runing when the Shadowhunters escorting them were killed, one escaped and warned us but Valentine and Sebastian are gone."

"Who escaped?" Alec asked.

Lydia frowned, "Robert Lightwood."

Alec's lips thinned, it was too much of a coincidence, Alec had realized that while his mother may have had some sort of epiphany his father had not, he was still entrenched in Valentine's ideals and no one else seemed to realize it, Alec had made sure to limit the man's interactions with the Downworld as much as possible while he covered for Lydia and Isabelle but there had still been too much Robert Lightwood around.

"And you don't find that suspicious at all?" Alec asked.

"Why should we?" Herondale asked as she looked at Alec with barely concealed contempt, as if being gay was not enough for her to hate him the fact that he chose to love a Warlock was, apparently, seen as a betrayal in her eyes.

Alec could list five reasons off the top of his head but knew that nothing he said would convince her of Robert Lightwood's guilt. Alec could probably record the man talking to Valentine and she'd still call him a liar.

Alec shrugged and walked to the room he was assigned, there he changed his shirt and burned the ruined one, no one would think much of a bit of ash in his room and he doubted his trash concerned any one but Magnus on occasion and Magnus always asked first.

Then Alec went to the Infirmary, thankfully he'd taken just long enough that, but for the nurse that was exiting and the patient laying in the bed, it was empty.

Alec sat in a nearby chair and waited.

"What do you want?" The man snarled.

"I know what you did." Alec said.

The man looked startled.

"I know you want Isabelle dead, just like you want me dead." Alec explained, "I told you that if you did anything to hurt her you'd regret it."

The man in the bed sneered, "What are you going to do about it, boy? Going to kill me, in the middle of the Institute? You'd be the first one they'd look at."

Alec smirked at the man, "I'm not going to hurt you."

Alec pulled a simple chain from around his neck, on it hung something resembling a human finger, except it was twisted and clawed, "Do you know what this is?" Alec asked as he held it up between them.

"No."

"It's a... well, something of a good luck charm I've carried with me for a few years." Alec looked at the necklace he'd asked Ragnor to charm so only he could remove it.

Ragnor had of course been disgusted when, as Alec was recovering from his fight with Asmodeus in the Mortal Realms, he'd taken the hand The First had jarred for him and taken the pointer finger from it and asked Ragnor if he could put it on a chain. But Ragnor had done it and while he wondered who Alec was taunting he didn't ask.

"I'd like you to have it." Alec handed it to the man in the bed.

"Why?" The man asked, not quite suspiciously.

"Let's just say if you accept you'll get the reward you deserve." Alec told him.

Alec knew that Asmodeus wanted his hand back, he'd managed to appear before Alec, following the feeling from his finger and each time Alec had returned him to his Realm, it was only a matter of time before the Demon came after his finger again, he knew Alec was loath to part with it and he would surly think that he'd only give it to someone he cared for, Alec was counting on that.

Robert Lightwood would get what he deserved, no doubt about it, a lifetime of torture was not enough in Alec's opinion for nearly killing his sister, for letting Valentine and his son loose, and, as much as he could not forgive his mother for what she had done to him as a child, for cheating on her and making her cry when she thought no one could see.

The man smiled, before turning it to a scowl as he remembered who he was talking to, "This doesn't change how I think about you."

The man lifted it over his head and it settled against his chest.

Alec smiled, "Of course not, sleep well."

Alec left the Infirmary, now all that was left was for Robert Lightwood to leave the Institute, and then Asmodeus would take him away.

Alec would have to get Ragnor to make him a new charm, he was thinking the Middle finger this time, a double fuck you to the Greater Demon, and he was certainly never going to tell Magnus that the charm he wore was basically a beacon for his father to find him and definately not going to tell him that it was Asmodeus' finger, or a real finger for that matter.

Days later Isabelle came to him shocked and shaken, she'd seen a Greater Demon drag her father away screaming and their tracking spells told them only that he was in Edom, and there was no way to rescue him, not that anybody volunteered.

Alec had held her as she cried but all Alec could feel was pleased that Robert Lightwood could no longer harm his family.


	2. The Second Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: The Second time Alec dies

Summary: The second time Alec dies.

 

\------------

"I'm trying to understand, Alexander, but I can't if you don't talk to me!" Magnus cried.

Alec said nothing as the man continued to pace the room and yell.

Finally the man collapsed onto the couch and put a hand across his eyes, "I just don't know what to do with you."

Alec's breath hitched but he forced his panic and memories down and away, he honestly didn't know what he'd done to get Magnus this worked up. Alec knew he did a lot of odd things, sometimes he'd just refuse to leave his nest once his patrol was over, sometimes he'd make a nest on the top of Magnus' refrigerator or one of the tall bookshelves and fall asleep there for a while, and he knew that his sleep schedule was not normal.

His food habits left a lot to be desired, Magnus was trying to get him back to eating three meals a day but Alec was too used to eating what he could when he could that it was slow going, maybe he'd missed a dinner thing.

"I..." Alec started but Magnus interrupted.

"Maybe you should stay at the Institute tonight, give me time to figure out what to do, how to work through this." 

Alec felt his heart stutter to a stop, he wanted to protest, wanted to promise Magnus that he'd stop whatever it was he'd done as long as the Warlock didn't send him away.

Magnus took Alec's face between his hands, "Just for tonight, I'll figure it out okay."

Alec clutched Magnus' wrists in his hands, he didn't want to go, wanted to help Magnus figure it out, whatever it was.

'Don't make me leave.' Alec thought but couldn't say, couldn't force himself to voice because while Magnus had opened his home to him it was still Magnus' home, not Alec's, not really.

The nests he made were made with Magnus' blankets and pillows, the movies they watched were picked by Magnus, Alec had seen no purpose in them before spending evenings cuddled on the couch with Magnus; the couch, the bed, the pictures, the draperies, Alec had chosen none of it, nothing here was his, he was not even sure if Magnus could still be considered his.

Alec forced himeself to nod and he pulled on his shoes and grabbed his blade and then he was gone, nearly running down to the door and out into the street.

For a moment he actually thought about going to the Institute as he walked down the street, but he couldn't, wouldn't, he wanted... he wanted Magnus to wrap him up and hold him and make him feel safe, but Magnus was mad, Magnus didn't want him.

Alec stumbled into a wall and into an alley, Magnus didn't want him, had sent him away. Alec let himself slip down the wall to sit on the filthy ground, but he didn't care, it didn't matter, Magnus didn't want him.

Tears filled his eyes and Alec hid his face in his knees, what could he do now, where could he go? He'd left his family behind because his parents didn't want him, he'd fled, but his heart hurt at the thought of leaving, at the thought that he'd never see Magnus again.

What had he done to make Magnus lose his endless patience with him, it had to be big, right? Or maybe it was countless small things.

He could stop building nests every where, start eating at the right times, the right amounts, he'd probably throw up for awhile before he'd get used to it and then, then Magnus would be happy with him, he wouldn't send him away again.

Alec nodded to himself and prepared himself to go back and tell Magnus when someone screamed.

Duty won over heart, Magnus was probably still too worked up to listen anyway, and Alec ran towards the scream.

Several men were struggling with a screaming woman, it didn't look like demons were involved but demons weren't a requirement for Alec to help someone.

"Hey!" Alec called, "What are you doing?"

"Mind your own business, kid." One of the men snarled.

The woman looked both hopeful and resigned and Alec knew he wasn't walking away.

"I think this just became my business." Alec said as he stepped closer, "I think she wants to be let go."

A different man laughed and two let go of the woman and stepped closer to Alec who watched them, noting the way they moved and shifting himself in readiness.

One lunged with his fists as the other came at Alec with a knife, Alec threw the weaponless one into the wall next to him with his own momentum, knocking him out and caught the other's wrist and twisted it until he dropped the knife and then threw him to the ground.

"I'll be nice and give you another chance to let her go." Alec told them calmly.

The other men sneered, "We out number you!"

"Makes it fair, don't you think?" Alec asked with a grin.

Alec let his instincts from fighting deadlier demons take over as three of the remaining four men leapt at hem, leaving one to hold the woman.

He felt several blades cut into him but he would deal with that later and eventually the three men stumbled and crawled away from him as the final one drew something from the back of his pants, releasing the woman who ran as fast as she could away from them, the man sneered down at his friends, muttered a 'Pathetic' at them and pointed his gun at Alec.

Alec heard the shots and felt the impact of the bullets and stumbled back and his legs gave out under his weight and he hit the ground, scooting back away from the man with the gun until he hit the wall.

"Maybe next time you won't be so eager to play Hero." The man knelt next to Alec and put the gun under Alec's chin, "Then again, there won't be a next time, will there?" 

And Alec went deaf from the gunshot in his ear.

\-------------------

Alec shivered and blinked his eyes open, his head hurt, like if he moved it would fall off and he'd be glad it did as long as it no longer hurt. He could feel an echo of pain in his chest, like he'd been punched a few times.

Alec coughed a little and wrinkled his nose at the remaining taste of blood, he looked around him and winced as the movement made his head throb in anger.

He was in an alley, Alec frowned, he never liked sleeping in alleys, they were too open, not enough to hide behind. Alec pushed himself to stand, slipping a little in the tacky puddle he'd been sitting in. Alec stared down at the dark pool as he leaned heavily on the wall, that was blood, why had he been sitting in blood? Sleeping in blood?

Alec shuffled towards the mouth of the alley, using the wall as support. Why was he even out here? The last thing he remembered was Magnus' hands on his face and his reassuring eyes.

Alec stopped and let his cheek rest against the cold wall, soothing the pounding in his head for a brief moment.

Then Alec remembered the scream, the woman, the men, blades cutting into him and the last man, the gun, four impacts to his chest and abdomen, Alec's hand traced each part where the echo was, and then a deafening shot as the cold barrel of the gun rested under his chin, and then nothing.

Alec leaned his back against the wall, 'I guess that explains why my head hurts so bad.' He thought to himself.

"James!" A familiar voice cried.

Alec squinted at the blond man that stopped before him, trying to focus his vision.

"Shit, man, when Magnus told us to expect you at the Institute last night we figured you'd be there in half an hour, but looks like you decided to go the other direction to being kick out, how much did you drink last night?" Jace chuckled as he tried to get his arm around a flinching Alec.

"D'in'?" (Drink?) Alec slurred, frowning, his speech seemed funny, it was hard to form the words, it took extra effort and it was hard to think of the right words, Alec knew what he wanted to say but the words seemed stuck just beyond his thoughts, Alec supposed he had the bullet to the brain to thank for that.

"Shit, you're still wasted." Jace muttered, "And what the hell are you covered in?"

"No' min'."(Not Mine) Alec slurred some more as his vision shifted and he felt weighted, heavy and then he was falling and Alec could hear Jace yelling until he heard nothing.

\---------------

Alec opened his eyes and frowned at the familiar furnishings of the loft. Alec shifted until his forearm was lifting him up slightly where he rested on the couch, he could hear Magnus asking Jace questions that the man didn't know the answer to. Alec forced himself to sit up, his clothing felt stiff, and he could feel the caked blood sticking to his skin and all Alec wanted was a shower and Magnus' arms holding him.

"Alexander, you're awake."

Alec blinked at Magnus as he knelt in front of him, it took him a moment to process ad understand the words, Alec had a feeling he was going to be slightly slow of understanding for the next little while his brain recovered from being blown up.

"'M sorry, I'll stop doin' th' thin', jus' don' make me go 'way 'gain." (I'm sorry, I'll stop doin the thing, just don't make me go away again.) Alec slurred.

"Oh, Alexander." Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec's head, "I'm sorry, I..."

"Wh't'd I do?" (What did I do?) Alec asked, trying to look at Magnus before giving up and just letting Magnus hold him.

"I overreacted, I thought you took some of my clothes for your nest without telling me, I would have let you have them if you asked, you know that, but I thought you didn't." Magnus explained.

"Cl'th's f'r we'rin'." (Clothes are for wearing.) Alec murmured confusedly.

Magnus frowned before chuckling, "Yes, clothes are for wearing, now we just need to teach the Chairman that, I don't know why he's started taking my shirts, he never has before."

"S'ft, go'd f'r b'bies." (They are soft, good for the babies.) Alec explained, like it was obvious and Alec was staring to feel tired again.

"Chairman's male." Magnus said slowly, "He can't have babies."

"Fo'nd 'em." (He found them.) 

"Ah..." 

Alec let his body relax further and his eyes drifted closed.

"No, you don't, sweetheart, you need a shower and to get what ever you're covered with off of you and then you can go to sleep." Magnus said.

"Y'u?" (With you?) Alec asked, tugging on Magnus' shirt as the man lifted him up and headed towards the bathroom.

"Shower or sleep?" Magnus asked with a grin.

"Sle'p y'u." (Sleep with you?) Alec whispered.

"Yeah, next time you haven't done something that I yell at you for, tell me, darling, I'd also like it if you told me when I've become a grandfather." Magnus told Alec as he used magic to start the bath as it seemed that Alec wasn't going to be standing for a shower.

"Mmm."

"Alexander," Magnus said fondly, "Time to get in the water."

Alec blinked at Magnus and let the man undress him, leaning against him heavily and closing his eyes as Magnus pulled off his belt and pants, "Now for the boots and into the tub."

\----------------

As Magnus settled Alexander into the bathwater he couldn't help but smile softly and feel horribly guilty, smile because the Shadowhunter seemed fascinated with the bubbles in the water, poking them and letting little 'oh's of delight when they popped and guilty because his accusation had sent Alexander from their home and into some yet nameless bar to drink his sorrows and woes away, drunk enough that he hardly seemed aware of his surroundings and what he was saying.

Magnus was infinitely glad and thankful that Jace had stumbled across Alexander and not someone who might take advantage of the man.

"Ma'nu'." Alexander said and reached for him, "D'n' le'v'." (Magnus, don't leave.)

"I'm not going anywhere, darling, I'm getting the shampoo and body wash, then we'll clean up, okay." Magnus explained as he patted Alexander's arm.

"Hey." Jace said softly, appearing in the doorway, "You need any help? I mean I know he's a little, you know, but he is a bit taller that you."

"Taller, not heavier." Magnus said quietly.

"Still trying to get him to eat normally?" Jace asked with a grin.

Magnus nodded as he picked out the shampoo and body wash for Alexander.

"He's really fascinated with those bubbles, isn't he?" Jace asked with a chuckle.

Magnus glanced back at Alexander and smiled, Alexander appeared to be making a crown with the bubbles and Magnus wrapped a bit of magic around Alexander's eyes so that the soap wouldn't get in them.

"He's probably never gotten the opportunity to have them in his bath." Magnus said.

\-----------

Jace stiffened, he seemed to always forget that Maryse and Robert had been Leander's parents too, if only for ten years before he'd vanished. The Lightwoods had always been kind to him, strict but never cruel, not to him or Izzy or Max. He forgot that they had had a fourth child that he'd never met, a child they had essentially tortured and hated.

Jace knew it made Maryse sad that Leander brushed her off and there were times when the man's casual disregard of the woman who had raised Jace just rubbed him the wrong way and pissed him off and maybe if Maryse hadn't been the only mother he'd known, if she hadn't tucked him in and read him stories before bed with Izzy and eventually Max, hadn't sung him lullabies when his nightmares had kept him awake at night Jace would feel more sympathy for the man who played with bubbles in Magnus' large tub.

But Jace had never had to sleep under benches, under bushes, on rooftops, he hadn't had to survive without an Institute to go home to. When he had wanted Bubbles in his bath Maryse had gotten him bubbles for his bath. 

And that was the difference, Maryse hadn't been a mother to Leander when she should have been, not the way she had been a mother to Izzy, Jace, and Max.

"He deserves all the bubbles." Jace said softly as he watched Leander blow a handful of bubbles into the air and watched them fall back to join the others in the water, seemingly disappointed that they didn't stay in the air.

Suddenly all of the anger and simmering hate he had kept for Leander in his mother's defense melted away, how could he hate this man who played with bubbles in such a childlike manner, who had never really been allowed to be a child by the people who should have protected him from anything that could hurt him and instead had been the ones who hurt him.

Maybe Jace couldn't understand how Leander could treat Mayrse as he did but maybe that was a good thing because for Izzy, for Jace, and for Max she had learned to be a better Mother, and maybe Jace was a little heartbroken that Leander hadn't gotten that, that Leander didn't have those memories of being held against a warm chest, heartbeat against his ear, beating in time with his as a gentle hand soothed circles in his back while rocking him softly, vibrations against his cheek as her singing filled his hearing, another gentle hand brushing his tears from his cheeks until he finally drifted back to sleep, no more nightmares to come for that night.

And maybe Jace could forgive Leander for not forgiving Maryse, maybe he could forgive Leander for not seeing her as his mother.

\------------------

Magnus watched Jace and wondered what the man was thinking about before shaking his head, "You should go tell Isabelle that Alexander is safe, I'm going to finish up here and get him in a nest."

"Nest?" Jace echoed in confusion.

"Ah, I forgot that you guys don't know, Alexander makes nests when he's feeling vulnerable, I'm going to have to find one and move it, I don't think he's going to be able to get in the one under the bed." Magnus mused.

"Wow, that's weird."

Magnus turned to glare at Jace.

"Sorry!" Jace held up his hands, "I just, sorry."

"Never say anything like that to Alexander, he has trouble enough with making them in an obvious place."

"Well, he doesn't really have anything, does he?" Jace said, "He's been homeless so long and when you're always moving you can't really collect things, can you?"

Magnus stilled, "Jace."

"What?"

"I think it's time I redecorated, don't you?" Magnus said as he realized that perhaps Alexander wasn't quite aware that the Loft was his home too, and perhaps by essentially kicking Alexander out the night before Magnus had hammered that little, perhaps background, thought home.

"Whatever, man, but maybe let him pick a few things out." Jace suggested, "I mean he could pick what he likes and then you can coordinate with it."

"You're right, I can match anything to anything and make it look like it goes together." Magnus said, "You can leave now, Jace."

"Yep, going, and Bane?" Jace said, "You hurt him like this again and I'll sick Izzy on you, and then I'll tell Lydia and Lewis, I may not like the Vamp much but he's got a soft spot for Leander and you'd deserve whatever he did to you."

Magnus nodded, "If I hurt him like this again I'll go see my father."

Jace frowned, wondering why that seemed like a worse option than letting Izzy and Lewis have a go at him but ultimately shrugged and left.

"Ready for the rest, Alexander?" Magnus asked as he held up the bottles.

"M'gn's."(Magnus) Alexander sighed and reached out to take his hand and lean his head on his shoulder, getting the shirt wet and bubbly.

Magnus could only smile at the trust this man gave him and he was determined not to break that again.

\----------

 

Author's notes and Explanations: So, Alec being a little hard to understand, well, he was shot in the head and I know that most stories with immortals have instantly better but I'm going with more of slowly recovering especially with such a complicated thing that is the brain. And yes I have both Jace and Magnus think that Alec is just drunk but they really don't know any better and well, Jace certainly isn't expecting Alec to be covered in blood so he just thinks it was a weird bar Alec found himself in.

So, it takes Alec a while to recover from being shot in the head but his speech recovers in a few hours, he sleeps and then it's better when he wakes up, understanding other peoples' words and finding the right ones for things takes a bit longer but Magnus, while he notices, trusts Alec to tell him when he's ready and says nothing and convinces the others to ignore it, while reluctant they agree.


	3. The Third Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: The third time Alec dies.
> 
> Mentions of bad parenting, past torture(Not Alec), Childhood trauma, Robert Lightwood is not a good person, Max is cute, I guess sort of non-consensual drugging(Magnus has a sleeping powder mixed in hot chocolate to make sure children don't get hurt while he deals with their potions and other things, not dangerous or mean hearted but I felt the warning necessary)

Summary: The third time Alec dies

Mentions of bad parenting, past torture(Not Alec), Childhood trauma, Robert Lightwood is not a good person, Max is cute, I guess sort of non-consensual drugging(Magnus has a sleeping powder mixed in hot chocolate to make sure children don't get hurt while he deals with their potions and other things, not dangerous or mean hearted but I felt the warning necessary)  
\-------------

"So, we're back to looking for Valentine." Isabelle sighed, "Why did he have to escape?"

Alec rolled his eyes, Robert Lightwood's alliance with Valentine had been something Alec had kept from her, though Maryse had asked him what he knew about the Greater Demon that had dragged Robert to Edom.

Alec had given her a large amount of information and she had stared at him for a long moment before she had thanked him and left. The look she'd given him had him wondering just what she was thanking him for, the information or did she somehow know that it was his doing that had seen the man in Edom? Alec didn't know and didn't really care to ask.

"Don't know, don't care, just want him found and de-Runed." Alec said.

Jace grinned at him, "Don't we all?"

And Alec didn't know what to do about Jace, the man had been freakishly nice to him since he'd been shot in the head and Alec couldn't for the life of him figure out why. Magnus had told him a little about how he'd behaved, believing that Alec's gaps in memory were a result of having drank too much, Alec hadn't said anything to counter that thought, though he felt a little guilty about it. Magnus loved him, trusted him, surely Alec could trust him with this, but what was this, an inability to die? Or would he die from old age in a hundred years, Alec didn't know and he didn't know how to find out.

From what he'd been able to learn from Ragnor and the other Warlocks he'd encountered, Warlocks would find each other and help each other learn a bit before separating, some, however, learned through experience only, they'd stop aging and watch those around them grow old and suddenly that little thing that they'd never given a thought to made sense as a Devil's mark or the power inside them, that they had never known about would burst forth, usually in a life or death situation. 

Alec knew of one Warlock that had developed an ability to breath under water when the Titanic sank, his Warlock mark showing itself, not as a set of gills, but a long, sleek, scaled fin, that allowed him to move in the water like a fish, when the man was on land the tale became a grouping of scales along the outside each leg, Alec had helped him out of a chlorine pool, the man hadn't thought his tail would manifest in the toxic water but it had and he'd been, if not drowning than been poisoned by the water, Alec wasn't sure, he'd seen him to a different Warlock for help and been gone again.

Alec shook his head a little as Clary began to talk, his situation of not dying could wait, finding Valentine had to be a priority.

Unsurprisingly the entire Downworld was in an uproar about the Clave not only losing the man and his son but not telling them about it, when Magnus had asked Alec why he hadn't said anything, Alec could only reply that he'd honestly forgotten, with their argument, the kittens and puppy Chairman had found and been trying to take care of, and, though he didn't mention it to Magnus, his seemingly inability to die, Alec hadn't been thinking about the man who wanted most of them dead.

"We should split up." Clary told them.

Alec sighed, Clary really didn't seem to understand the meaning of teams, though Alec usually worked alone whether he was at an Institute or not that was usually because no one wanted to work with him, he was a loner that no one knew anything about and never stayed anywhere long enough to have people learn about him.

"You and Jace, off again?" Isabelle asked with and eye roll, "You're not subtle, Clary."

"Can I come too?" Max asked as he walked up to them, "I got my first Rune, that means I can come too, right?"

"Buddy." Isabelle began as she knelt, "This could get really dangerous."

"I have a normal patrol, he can come with me." Alec offered, "Then you three can just go together, Parabatai should be on the same team anyway."

"Why?" Max asked as he looked at Alec, even as he took the man's hand.

\-------------------

"Well, Parabatai have an instinctual awareness of one another, this allows them to battle with one another without getting in each other's way, usually they compliment each other in ways that most Shadowhunter teams don't, a long range fighter and a close range, or a fighter that moves quickly while the other uses strength." Mr. Leander explained and he looked at Max but Max was sure he was talking to Clary, she seemed to be so, maybe not ignorant but unknowlegable about Shadowhunters and their culture and Jace and Izzy weren't really trying to teach her either.

"Cool, do you think I could have a Parabatai?" Max asked, he almost asked Mr. Leander if he'd be his Parabatai but Max didn't.

Mr. Leander was amazing and Max was thrilled that the man would take him with him on his patrol and a part of Max couldn't wait to see Mr. Leander fight first hand, he'd told his friends at school that Mr. Leander was at the New York Institute and they were all really jealous that Max had gotten to go get Ice Cream with the Greater Demon Expert, when Mr. Leander had been at their home Institutes he hadn't spared much time for the kids that had wandered around or anyone else really. That Mr. Leander was dating a man and Warlock didn't really matter to them except he was taken and that meant their fantasies of being a second Mr. Leander or Mrs. Leander were just fantasies because every one knew Warlock Bane didn't share and he'd hold on to a lover until they died.

Max didn't really get why his friends talked about marrying Mr. Leander, yes he was handsome and a good Shadowhunter but the man wasn't like most Shadowhunters, before Warlock Bane Max would have said that Mr. Leander wasn't the marrying type, but maybe, maybe Mr. Leander was meant for one. 

Max smiled to himself, yes, Mr. Leander was meant for one person, Warlock Bane and Max was glad that Mr. Leander had found him, had waited for him despite the pain and hurt his parents had put him though, Max was glad that Mr. Leander had found his strength to fight until he had found someone that would fight for him, with him.

"I'm sure you could." Izzy said with a laugh as she stood.

"Mr. Leander?" Max asked.

"Yes, Max?" Mr. Leander said, smiling down at him, it was an odd smile, one he usually only saw from Jace or Izzy.

"Is Warlock Bane your Parabatai?"

Mr. Leander frowned, "Max, Warlocks can't be Parabatai. Downworlders can't be Runed, it hurts them and for Warlock's it poisons them. It's a very painful and frightening way to die."

"How do you know?" Max asked, he hadn't known that Runing a Warlock would hurt them and from the look on Izzy, Jace, and Clary's faces they hadn't either.

"When I was younger, I..." Mr. Leander stopped for a moment, hesitated, "I was on a patrol with my father, it was just supposed to be a routine check in with a known Warlock, one who had broken the Accords once before but hadn't in a decade at least."

Max frowned a little at the look of horror that the other three got and squeezed Mr. Leander's hand in comfort.

Mr. Leander squeezed back and continued, "I was only eight at the time, this wasn't my first mission though, my father, however, rarely took me along with him. We entered his home without asking and I didn't quite understand why it was wrong of us to do so, my father yelled at the man and when the man used magic to push him out of his space my father claimed that he had broken the Accords by attacking him. When I tried to tell my mother later what really happened she called me a liar and told me never to contradict my father again."

Izzy was frowning and Max didn't understand why she and Jace clenched their fists angrily as Mr. Leander finished.

"My father, he held down the Warlock, and there is a Rune that, for Shadowhunters, causes them to relive their worst memory, he carved that Rune into the Warlock's forehead, and the Warlock screamed so loud, I don't know if it was the pain of the Runing or the poison or if he actually saw his worst memory. But I watched him die and after my father left I held his hand, he seemed so frightened and I wanted him to know he wasn't alone. The last thing that Warlock chose to do before he died was to smile at me and I knew it was a thank you." Mr. Leander said, quietly, "I told my father when he asked that I wanted to see the Warlock die, and felt a sickness in my stomach like I never have since when he told me he was proud of me."

Izzy looked sick to her stomach herself and Clary was holding her hand over her mouth in horror and Jace looked like he wanted to punch something.

Max squeezed Mr. Leander's hand in comfort again, "You were eight, it was your father responsibility to do what was right, your mother's too, and they didn't, they chose not to and you did the only thing you could for that Warlock, Mr. Leander, you held his hand when he was all alone and abandoned, you were with him when the Angel took him home, he wasn't alone because of you."

Mr. Leander smiled sadly at him.

"Your parents shouldn't have been allowed children." Max decided, and started at the rather strangled noise Izzy let out.

"Maybe they did better for the next ones." Mr. Leander offered.

"Maybe." Max said, doubtfully, if they hadn't done right by Mr. Leander how could they have done any better with a different child? "Are we going on patrol now?"

\------------

Alec chuckled a little, "Yeah, let's go before the sun comes up."

"Bye Izzy, Bye Jace, Bye Clary, have fun."

\------------

"I call 'not it' when telling mom that Max is on a patrol." Izzy said.

"That's not fair." Jace whined.

"Your girlfriend pretty much made it happen by saying we should split up." Izzy pointed out.

"Come on, that is the weakest excuse."

"And what do you have?" Izzy asked.

Jace opened his mouth and the closed it before opening it again, "Fine, but she's going to yell at me."

"Hey, at least he's with James, imagine if he'd gone with someone else." Clary offered as they walked to the office where Maryse helped organize patrols.

"We'd all be about to die." Izzy realized.

"Yep, at least James will keep him safe." Jace said.

\----------------------

Alec wished he hadn't brought Max, the kid was good, but there were a lot of Demons between them and their exit, why had the subway been on his patrol route? Alec wondered, normally a route like this would be handled by a team of four at the very least, had he picked up someone else's patrol by mistake? No, Alec had double checked before leaving the Institute.

"Hey, Max, I know you want to stay with me and help, but we're going to need back up, okay, which means we need to find you a way out of here so, you can go get Magnus, you remember where the loft is right?" Alec asked quietly.

Max nodded, his eyes wide and frightened, "You showed me when we passed it on our way here, but I thought I was your back up." 

"Normally, yes, but Max, kiddo, there are at least twenty Demons out there, and..." Alec stopped, as much as he wanted to have faith in his little brother, the kid was still just a kid, he hadn't killed his first Demon yet and Alec wasn't going to risk his life, not now, not ever.

"And that's a lot for just two people, even one like you." Max offered softly.

Alec was sure that the kid knew there was more to it than that, Max was too smart not to, but he nodded in acceptance.

"There was a little hole back that way, I think I can fit." Max said as he pointed back the way they had come.

"Go, make as little noise as possible, go straight to Magnus, tell him and then stay at the Loft, Magnus should be able to track the ring he gave me." Alec said.

Max looked at the ring on Alec's finger, "It's pretty."

"Magnus made it." Alec smiled as he remembered Magnus creating the gently pulsing blue promise ring.

Max nodded and began moving quietly towards his exit as Alec glanced around the corner again, he didn't have enough time to wait for Max and Magnus to get back, he hoped he had enough time for Max to get out at least before the Demons made their move.

\------------

Alec shivered and he vomited, and then slid down the nearby wall, there was blood in his vomit and that was not a good thing. Alec had lost track of how long ago Max had left him, the Demons had moved not ten minutes after Alec had sent Max to Magnus and it was twenty minutes at least to the Loft and then Max had to explain and Alec wasn't feeling too good.

Alec had lost could of the Demons he had killed, he knew that some of their venom had gotten in his blood and that was why he was getting sick, the Iratz hadn't really helped and Alec figured that he had gotten more venom that he thought or... or maybe it was more potent than other Demons, Alec didn't know and didn't care.

A Demon snarled at him as it approached and Alec's hand twitched weakly around his blade but had had no strength to lift it as the Demon opened it's wide jaws and snarled in Alec's face, Alec wished Magnus was with him as his eyes closed, unable to keep them open anymore.

\--------

Magnus had felt fear many times over his long life, but seeing young Maxwell Lightwood on his doorstep when Magnus had been told by Isabelle that the boy was with Alexander nearly made his heart stop.

The boy had quickly explained and Magnus had used the magic within the ring to find Alexander, he'd told the boy to make himself some hot chocolate and then Magnus was gone.

Magnus was not a worrier, he did not think Alexander was helpless but the first thing Magnus saw when he arrived was Alexander slumped, unmoving against a wall with a large Demon snarling in his face, about to rip into him.

Magnus felt his magic burst from his hands without conscious thought and the Demon disintegrated. All Magnus wanted to do was see if Alexander was okay, Magnus couldn't see him moving at all, not his hand twitching on his blade and not his chest rising, oh, no, Alexander wasn't breathing and he had to be, Magnus couldn't be too late...

Several Demons distracted him from rushing to Alexander and Magnus finished what Alexander had started before dropping to his knees next to his Shadowhunter.

"Alexander." Magnus gasped as he took the man in his arms.

The man gasped and choked and then retched, and Magnus was never so glad to hear those ugly sounds, it must have been his own panic that had made the long space between breaths seem like there was none, it must have been a trick of his worried mind.

Alexander couldn't have died, not and still be breathing in his arms as Magnus lifted the man up and portaled them to the Loft, thankful that the littlest Lightwood had helped himself to the Hot chocolate and was now slumped, sleeping peacefully on the couch, Magnus only kept the Hot chocolate to sooth small children into sleep while he was dealing with their parents, most parents didn't even notice he did it but it was better than having a child accidently hurt themselves on one of the magical artifacts that he had around or worse ingesting a potion that wasn't the right dosage for a child.

Maxwell being almost a teen the effects would wear off in an hour or two.

Magnus took Alexander to the bathroom and washed him up a little as he removed what remained of the Demon's venom , then he dressed the man and tucked him in the nest that Alexander had made in the closet, soft fleece blankets in green and yellows wrapped around him, Alexander had chosen them when Magnus told him to pick out blankets for his nests, now they had specific blankets for nests made in specific rooms.

There were red and purples for the nest in the living room and bright blues and oranges for the balcony and an odd lime colored one that Alexander used when he slept on the refrigerator and Magnus honestly wished Alexander didn't sleep there, if only because he had to use a step ladder to get him down, he was almost worse than Chairman Meow and those kittens of his, and the puppy, how the cat found a hell-hound puppy Magnus didn't know and didn't want to know but while none of them had open eyes Magnus couldn't get near them. They let Alexander near, half the time they ended up in whatever nest the man was in, only once when Magnus was with him and the hell-hound had rewarded Magnus with a sharp nip on his rear so, Magnus had started breakfast while Alexander had laughed.

"Is he okay?" Maxwell asked from the doorway.

"He'll be fine in a little while, he's asleep."

"What happened?" 

"We'll have to wait until he wakes up to find out." Magnus looked over at the boy, "I'm sure he wouldn't mind a bit of a cuddle, I have a little more work to finish up otherwise I would."

"I should go back to the Institute to make a report." Maxwell said hesitantly, shifting forwards.

"I'll call Isabelle and Maryse to come fetch you." Magnsu told him as the boy gave up and practically dove into Alexander's nest, wrapping his arms tight around the man's waist and hiding his face in the man's stomach, Magnus expected that there were tears being hidden there as well but... Magnus carded his fingers through the boy's hair gently as Alexander wrapped his arms around Maxwell and pressed a sleeping spell into both of them, soothing the beginning of a nightmare from Alexander's mind and making sure there would be none for Maxwell.

"Sleep well, Shadowhunters." Magnus murmured softly.

 

\-------------

All the baby Shadowhunters have a crush on Mr. Leander: The Greater Demon Expert, and some of the older ones too. Poor Alec, if only he knew, but he's only got eyes for Warlock Bane.

You have no idea how much I both want and don't want Max to know Alec is his brother. I just can't quite figure out how to make it happen, if they tell him then he learns how horrible his own parents were to a man he idolizes, if not then he's stuck just never knowing and urg... how do you fic when you can't make these decisions?


	4. The Fourth time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: The fourth time Alec dies
> 
> Torture/Death; Valentine is not a good man despite admiring Alec's strength.

Summary: The fourth time Alec dies

Torture/Death; Valentine is not a good man despite admiring Alec's strength.

 

\-------------

"You could join us, you know, we'll stop if you do." Valentine's son promised him.

Alec wondered if he preferred his real name or Sebastian, "I really couldn't." Alec told him as he hung from the hook that Valentine's minions had hooked his chains to in the center of the dimly lit room he'd been dragged into.

"You say that now." Valentine said, "But they all break eventually."

Sebastian frowned at Alec before shaking his head, "Shall we start, Father?"

"Yes." Valentine smiled, "You're lucky, Leander, that I want you in my army untainted, I can only imagine what you and your strength would make if injected with demon's blood." Valentine lifted an Angel Blade and lit it, looking at the glowing blade with unholy delight before approaching Alec and setting the blade against his chest, "Or perhaps, perhaps Angel blood would be better..."

Valentine pressed the blade down into Alec's skin and Alec pressed his lips together and turned his head away as Valentine dragged the blade down, cutting his shirt away and leaving a deep wound along his chest.

"I should have known that you'd have scars." Valentine murmured as he traced the blade along a few smaller ones before digging it into one of the ones Alec had gotten when he was younger, when he had still been in Maryse and Robert's care even. 

It was deep and jagged, the edges had stretched from him growing up, making it seem worse than it had actually been, though it had been pretty bad even still. Alec has almost died after all, he'd been lucky that Hodge had been willing to call a Warlock to his aide when he'd stumbled back to the Institute and that he'd never told his parents about it.

"So many marks of battle." Valentine said as he traced another deeply, "Most Shadowhunters die before they have this many marks."

Alec gasped, "Guess I'm harder to kill than most."

Valentine narrowed his eyes, "I suppose you are correct, perhaps this means it will be harder to break you as well."

Valentine stepped back and held the blade in his flat palm, "Johnathan, bring me the whip."

Alec closed his eyes and braced himself for the pain that was yet to come, retreating into the few happy memories he had.

\----------Memory-------

He was laughing, he didn't know where he was, the garden of flowers was always blooming and Alec wondered why they never died. He hid in the tall stalks and crawled forwards, startling as he came across a pair of leather clad legs.

"Boo!" Alec cried as he popped up giggling madly.

The man startled and Alec fell on his bottom from the force of his own giggles.

"Hello there, little one." The man cooed softly as he crouched next to the child.

"Hi!" Alec grinned as he used the man's knee to pull himself up.

Alec reached for the man's eyes and the man stopped him from touching, "Pretty stars." Alec whispered.

The man smiled, sadly, wistfully, "How did you get here, little Nephilim?"

"Don't know." Alec replied and his attention was drawn away by a golden butterfly.

The man watched the child chase the butterfly happily and care freely, laughing and giggling like he had no care in the world, but surely someone was missing the two year old. 

When the child finally tired and came back to the man, crawling into his lap and falling asleep trustingly, the man took the child in his arms and, with a very old spell, sent the child home to his own bed.

\-----End Memory---- (Yes, the man Alec encounter is the First, no the First doesn't know the child he met here is the same solemn child he meets later.)

"Welcome back, Leander." Valentine said as he entered the dark room.

Alec must had passed out, or fallen asleep, or maybe Valentine had gotten bored of Alec's non responsiveness.

"Where's Sebastian?" Alec asked and almost frowned at the rough sound of his voice.

"Out on a mission." Valentine waved a hand as he carefully selected his new torture implement, "Never mind him, are you ready to join us yet?"

"No." Alec said and Valentine pressed the blade into his skin.

\-----------

The water hit him harshly, and Alec cried out as the cold salt water washed the blood from his skin and agonized the open wounds.

"Come on, you can't be enjoying this." Valentine said as more water was poured over his head, making Alec gasp and choke as his screams were drowned in the salty water.

Alec was no longer sure what water came from the buckets or his eyes.

"No." Alec gasped out.

"No?" Valentine asked, halting the man holding a newly filled bucket, "No more?" 

"No, won't join." Alec forced out, and Alec hoped that Magnus would forgive him if he died here.

Valentine let out a scream of frustration, "Put Ice in the next ones." He snarled at the young Circle member and stormed out of the room.

\-----------

Something warm touched his lips and warm air caressed his face and Alec blinked his crusted eyes open wearily.

"Slowly." A gentle voice said as they tipped the warm liquid into his mouth.

Alec wanted to refuse but Valentine hadn't fed him since he'd arrived and his belly hadn't gone this long without food for a while, Alec drank the warm chicken broth.

"If you give in..." 

Alec focused his blurry gaze on Sebastian as the man gazed at the floor, empty bowl in front of his stomach. The man looked up at Alec, where he hung from the hook, body stiff and shaky, cold and dripping salt water still.

"If you give in, he'll stop, you'll live long enough to escape." Sebastian told him.

"Wi..." Alec coughed wetly and spit blood onto the floor, "With a Circle on my throat?"

"If means your life, yes, Leander, your Warlock would prefer you alive." Sebastian snarled.

Alec struggled to reach Sebastian and the man stepped back in shock at Alec's fury.

"Do not speak of him!" Alec snarled, "Do not bring him to this dark place of death and pain."

Sebastian looked at Alec with both pity and admiration, "You are right that there is only pain and death here for you."

Sebastian sounded almost sad and Alec wondered if the man had even chosen the side he was on, "I cannot risk this often, Leander, but I will do so as often as I can. Hang on as long as you can, you are searched for."

And Sebastian was gone, leaving Alec alone in the dark, in pain, but with a small hope, 'You are searched for.'

\------------

'You are searched for.' Alec held tight to these words as Valentine twisted his leg first one way and then back, making sure that when it came time to heal him, that if Alec gave in he'd not have too much damage from the torture that Valentine used to break him.

"I wonder what your worst memory is." Valentine mused as he lifted Alec's Stele, "I wonder..."

"What's yours?" Alec gasped out, "Betraying your Parabatai? Your wife? Your daughter? Sons? People?"

Valentine punched Alec's stomach, "I'm trying to save my people." He whispered in his ear.

"Let's find out what yours is." Valentine said and drew the Rune on the side of his neck opposite his Deflect Rune.

Alec scream, he screamed and screamed and screamed until his voice gave out and even Valentine looked terrified at Alec's response to the Rune.

As the Rune's power fizzled out Valentine stared at Alec in horror, "What is your memory?" He asked, surprisingly soft.

Alec stared at the ground through his tears, face turned away from Valentine as he gasped for breath, "No." Alec rasped, brokenly, "I won't be yours."

Valentine looked disappointed, "Very well, again." Valentine activated the Rune again.

Alec screamed and choked on blood from his shredding vocal cords.

\--------------------

Alec whimpered as he was lifted down from the hook, his arms shaking and spasming from the change in position, his legs refusing to hold him up.

His still chained arms were looped around someone's neck as he was lifted, an arm behind his back, the other under his knees.

"Shh, Leander, you must be quiet." Sebastian whispered softly as he opened the door to his cell cautiously.

Alec let his head rest heavily against Sebastian's shoulder as they made their way away from Valentine's base. Alec could feel his breath hitching, his lungs trying and failing to inflate, he could feel his heart beat slowing, his muscles refusing to respond. He was dying, Sebastian was trying to save him and he was dying instead.

They were walking through trees and Alec vaguely recognized Lake Lyn and the trees that surrounded them, the Field of Flowers was near here.

Alec frowned as Sebastian stumbled with a grunt, "They noticed." Was all he said as he activated a his Speed Rune.

"That way." Alec whispered, nearly inaudibly as he pointed the opposite direction than the one they had been heading in.

Sebastian looked down at an unfocused Alec who stared in that direction.

"The Field of Flowers is that way." Alec whispered again.

\------------

Johnathan Morgenstern frowned down at the man he was sure was delirious now, there were no fields of flowers anywhere near here, only the Lake and trees.

"We'll go that way, then." But who was Johnathan to deny a dying man's last request.

And they went, his father's Circle members following after them and Johnathan's own Circle Rune burning into his skin as they usually only did when he activated them. 

He was surprised when he was no longer running through trees but instead long stalked flowers, Johnathan stumbled to his knees and took Leander's arms from his neck and lay him gently among the swaying golden and silver blooms before standing and turning to face his father and his men.

"Why have you chosen to betray me, my son?" Valentine asked, "For a dying man?"

"He is more of a Shadowhunter than you are, than you ever will be!" Johnathan shouted, "He has more honor than you ever did."

"He could have been a greater Shadowhunter by my side, the leader of our Army." Valentine cried out.

"I don't think there has ever been a greater Shadowhunter than Leander, not since Johnathan Shadowhunter himself." Johnathan declared, "And I cannot change what you have had me do, but I do not have to follow your orders any more."

Valentine snarled and they attacked.

\-----------

When it was over, Valentine stared down at his gasping son, "You are a fool."

"I'd rather be a dead fool than your fool." Johnathan choked as blood spilled from his throat to spill over his lips and down his cheeks.

"Sir?" One of the other Circle members approached, "Leander is dead." He continued when Valentine looked at him.

"Unfortunate." Valentine said and looked back at his son, "Looks like you died for nothing."

Johnathan looked at where Leander lay, his body almost peacefully serene, if the marks of his torture had not been still glaringly obvious then, perhaps it would look like he was asleep, but it was rather obvious that the man was dead, his blood soaking the dirt around where he lay.

"Not for nothing." Johnathan gasped out, "He died among the stars, he died free from you."

Valentine frowned at his son.

"You cannot touch him now..." Johnathan whispered, "You cannot touch us now... pretty stars..."

Johnathan's voice faded to nothing and Valentine felt a cold whisper of death at his shoulder as a harsh wind unsettled the flowers and flower dust (Pollen) poured from every single one of the open blooms and swirled together before blowing across the men among the flowers, they choked as the mix entered their lungs before it settled and Valentine ordered them back to camp, they would collect the bodies of their enemies later, their own were more important.

But they would not be able to find the Field of Flowers again, the place of rest protected by a power greater than any other. 

\----------------

"What in the Angel's name?" Isabelle whispered softly as they walked through the silent camp cautiously.

"None of them are alive." Catarina whispered as her magic ghosted over the men and women that lay all around them, like they had been in the middle of daily tasks when they had died, and fallen to the ground when their hearts had stopped.

"I cannot locate Alexander here." Magnus said.

"Is anyone alive?" Jace asked.

Ragnor shook his head, "None."

"I found Valentine." Clary said as she stared at the man who had haunted her nightmares.

They stared, "Is this the Seelie Queen's doing?" Simon asked.

"No." Maryse said, "If she had done it they all would be the same, and Mr. Leander would have been returned to Warlock Bane."

They turned away from Valentine, from whose body had flowered dozens of different types of plants, some poured from his palms, others from his open mouth, Ivy had grown out of his eyes and nostrils and from the amount of blood that surrounded him it seemed that he had not been so lucky as his followers. Valentine Morgenstern had not died quickly, nor had it been painless as the others' had been.

They hadn't even expected to find Valentine or his followers here, they'd been called to investigate the death of a Clave member who had recently had a mission near here and had died quite suddenly, muttering about flowers.

Now that they had found Valentine they should find Leander near, it had been quite obvious that Valentine had taken the man a few months ago and they had been looking since, finding little to help them in their search, even the Seelie Queen had been able to offer little help but her soldiers.

\------------------------

Alec placed Sebastian carefully in the grave next to the golden and silver blooms, "Thank you for helping me." Alec whispered, pressing a gentle kiss on the man's forehead and replaced his lips with his Stele, "May the Angel take you home and keep you safe." 

Alec raised his Stele to the sky and watched the tiny wisp of golden and black light begin to rise slowly, sluggishly up, it was soon joined by a bright golden ball of light and a softer silver one and they rose higher together, and as Alec watched them rise he thought he saw three figures within the lights, within the Golden light was a young man, only a little older than Alec, he had black hair that cascaded down his back in a rather complicated braid and as he glanced back at Alec with a wave he saw that the man's eyes were blue with golden edges. Within the silver light was a familiar figure that smiled widely at Alec as he too turned back to him, his eyes were silver, like the color that danced on the golden flowers nearby, and his hair was the color of fire, strands of orange, blue, green, and yellow admist the red, it too was long but swept up and twirled around his head in a crown that seemed to swirl and burn like the flames of an actual fire, and between them a small boy swung in their hands, his skin was cracked and deep red shone from beneath the blackened and burned skin and he glanced back at Alec and grinned widely, easily, in that was that only children can and as the blackened skin began to fade away, leaving behind only pale unmarked skin, Alec smiled back at the boy that Sebastian had once been his green eyes bright and dancing, his blonde hair falling into his eyes.

Alec waved as the wisps of light faded up into nothing, joining the Angel.

Alec tucked Sebastian's Stele and his blade beneath his hands and then climbed out of the grave; with his hands, the ones he had torn open to dig the grave, Alec slowly began to cover the empty shell that Sebastian had used, the blackened and burned husk fading to ash as the dirt hit it.

When he was done Alec smoothed the top out and sat back, his hands were bleeding again and yes they hurt but he would be fine, they would be fine.

Alec stood slowly, his body still mending itself from the torture it had endured at Valentine's hands, he smiled down at the grave as tiny blue and purple flowers began sprouting over the dirt and then he began walking towards Lake Lyn.

Alec had always wondered how the Salty Lake had come to be and looking back at the two graves, one recent and one as old as Shadowhunters themselves he wondered if perhaps the lake had been formed from the grief of a Warlock that had lost his love.

Alec stumbled to his knees on the shore and closed his eyes as the salty spray stung his hands and the few cuts that hadn't quite closed up, regardless of the burning in his wounds, the cool spray felt nice.

\-------------------

Magnus halted and turned back the way they had come, heading for the lake, ignoring the calls and questions that trailed after him.

"ALEXANDER!" Magnus shouted as he fell next to the slumped figure at the edge of the Lake.

Magnus carefully pulled Alexander into his arms as Catarina fell next to him, a soft frown pulling on her lips as she found little to heal.

"We should get him home." Ragnor said as the others crowded around.

Magnus nodded and lifted the man in his arms as he stood, the metal cuffs around the man's wrists falling to the ground as they rose.

"Magnus?" Alexander murmured.

"Yes, Darling, I'm here." Magnus answered.

"I love you." Alexander whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Magnus asked as they began to walk towards Idris.

"I didn't give in." Alexander murmured, "Didn't give into Valentine."

Magnus' heart stuttered, Valentine had wanted Alexander to join him and looking at the people around him he knew that they knew that Valentine had likely tortured Alexander, despite there not being physical wounds.

Magnus pressed a soft kiss against Alexander's forehead, "I am so proud of you, Alexander, you are the strongest person I know."

"Love you." Alexander said again as he drifted away and into unconsciousness.

"How do you think he escaped?" Simon asked, after walking in silence for a while.

"I don't know, that question, like many other will have to wait for, James to wake." Catarina said, "And he may never be able to tell us, he could have blocked out the trauma or he may not have been aware when he escaped."

\-----------

"We haven't been able to find my brother yet." Clary whispered to Jace as they watched James rest, he hadn't really been up for chats yet and Magnus had been called to give his report on what they had found.

"You think that he'll continue what Valentine started?" Jace asked.

"I don't know." Clary whispered as she rested her head on Jace's chest.

\-------------------

"And if you're not ready to talk to them, you need to tell me now." Catarina told Alec gently.

"I want to go home and I don't want them there." Alec told her, "Bring them in."

"Magnus will be there, okay, but he's not going to say anything about what happened, it needs to be your own words." Isabelle reminded him.

"I know how to give a report." Alec snapped, "I'm sorry, I just want to go home."

"I know, James." Isabelle said patting his leg.

The Clave entered the room with Magnus who sat on the bed next to Alec and let the man lean on him.

Several members of the Clave frowned, Herondale included.

"If you're ready." Maryse said kindly, she really had been trying to do better by him, Alec had to admit, but he still wasn't sure he'd be able to forgive her.

Alec looked out one of the tall stained glass windows that lined the Idris Infirmary.

"Valentine kidnapped me..." Alec stopped, and one of the male Clave members tapped his foot impatiently, "if you have somewhere else to be you can leave." Alec snapped, "I have been tortured for the last several months by a man that you let free, I do not have the patience to pretend that I care about you delicate sensibilities."

Alec glared at the man and the man shrunk away and looked at the ground as Magnus squeezed Alec's hand.

"He must have injected me with something while I was fighting with some of his minions, the next thing I remember I was hanging in a cell..." Alec took a breath, "He wanted me to join him, I refused, he tortured me, I still refused, he tortured me some more."

"How?" Herondale asked.

"Do we really need to have that answered?" Catarina asked.

"Yes, you say you were tortured but you have very few visible marks of such." One of the other women explained.

Alec closed his eyes and leaned further into Magnus, "He didn't want anything to heal wrong for when I broke and gave in." Alec whispered, "He cut me and poured salt water over me."

Alec shivered as he remembered the cold that seeped into his body, a chill that he was still fighting a little, even wrapped up in three blankets and Magnus' arms. 

"I lost time for a while, I woke in starts and sometimes he was already at it so I just let myself drift away again." Alec told them.

"And your escape?" One of the men asked deciding that that was enough and glaring at Herondale when she made to question further.

Alec closed his eyes again, "Sebas- Valentine's son, I referred to him as Sebastian in my head because that's how I knew of him." Alec explained, "He... he made sure I had food while Valentine tortured me, at first... he told me I should give up, so I'd be alive to escape, when I refused to wear a Valentine's Rune he was kind to me, he... it wasn't help." 

Alec looked at the hands he had entwined with Magnus'.

"It wasn't help, I did not escape, I wasn't aware enough to escape." Alec fiddled with Magnus' fingers, "Valentine had one last torture for me, he carved the Agony Rune into my skin." Alec tilted his head so they could see it, "He wanted to know, to know my worst memory and I still refused to join him. I only remember him activating it five times." 

Alec ignored the quiet sob his mother gave out. He wonder if she thought his worst memory was her words of hate to him as a young boy, it wasn't and he didn't know how to reassure her of that.

"I'm sure it was more." Alec said, "The next thing I remember after that is being lifted, I thought..." Alec hesitated, "I thought Magnus had found me, I thought he was coming to take me home."

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec and squeezed.

"But it wasn't, Sebastian carried me away from them, it wasn't help, it was a rescue." Alec said softly.

"He still must answer for his own crimes, where is he?" Herondale snapped.

"He is dead." Alec told her simply, "You don't just walk away from the Circle without consequences, the Lightwoods did not walk away, they betrayed Valentine and took your punishment rather than his, Valentine does not allow some one to walk away from him and live."

"And yet you did." Herondale sneered.

Alec wondered what she would say if she knew he hadn't, that he had died in the beautiful field of flowers that was graveyard to two, three if you counted the one not buried.

"Valentine thought me dead and left us there to attend his own, when I had pulled enough of myself together to move I sent Sebastian to the Angel and buried him."

"Where?" Heondale asked.

"No place that can be found by the likes of you." Alec told her.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"The spells that hides the Field of flowers, that keep it in bloom day and night the entire year are complicated, they keep those that would disturb the graves away." Alec explained, "That I can find it means the magics know I will take nothing, disturb nothing, it is a place of peace and serenity. Those that do not have that within them are not welcome."

"And why has no one ever stumbled across this place then?" Maryse interrupted Herondale and glared at the other woman until she pressed her lips together silently.

"Because no Warlock has gifted their magic to a Shadowhunter before." Alec said and twisted the blue ring on his finger, something that Valentine hadn't been able to remove, no matter how he'd tried and he hadn't been able to remove the finger it was on either.

Magnus looked down at the ring and pressed a soft kiss to Alec's hair.

"The next thing I was truly aware of was Magnus lifting me up from the Lake's edge and carrying me away." Alec finished.

The Clave nodded and Alec looked at Magnus, "Can we go home now?"

"Of course, darling." Magnus smiled gently and lifted Alec into his arms and they left the Infirmary and then Idris, Isabelle, and Catarina in tow.

\-----------------

Arriving at the Loft was nice, although the sound of a fight made Alec wince and shrink into Magnus.

"Can you deal with that Isabelle, I believe it is Jace and Simon."

Isabelle nodded and as Magnus and Alec waited outside the door.

They entered into a quiet Loft and a subdued and guilty Jace and Simon apologized to each other before ending up on opposite sides of the room.

"Can we share your nest?" Max asked as he took Alec's hand as Magnus carried him to the couch.

"Let's build a fort!" Simon shouted.

"With what?" Isabelle asked, confused.

"Blankets, of course." Clary scoffed.

Alec grinned as Magnus used his magic to float him out of the way, because all of them refused to let him help and they built the biggest blanket fort they could, one that could house them all comfortably.

Alec ended up in the center with Magnus on one side and Max cuddled into his other side, Isabelle and Lydia scrunched next to him and Simon resting between Alec's legs with Clary next to him and Jace next to her.

Alec felt almost stifled but it was comforting in a way, and it felt right to have these people here with him in this little sanctuary. 

"What should we watch?" Simon asked as Magnus turned the television on and summoned snacks offering Alec cricket shaped chocolates.

"Something soft." Lydia said, "Remember there are children present."

"Yeah, Jace." Isabelle said before Max could complain.

"Is this fort awesome or what?" Clary asked.

Alec smiled.

"What do you think, James?" Max asked.

"Yeah, you've never built a fort either, huh?" Simon said.

"I used to." Alec offered, "When I was small, before, before I ran away."

They all looked surprised.

"My... my parents didn't really care to check in on me at night so after my sister was in bed I'd take my blankets to my secret place and build a fort, it was safe there, no one could hurt me and no one could find me, and the stars would twinkle through the window and keep the nightmares away." Alec said softly, "But this..." Alec squeezed Max's shoulders a little and twitched his fingers against Isabelle's, nudged Simon with his knees and let Clary, Jace, and Lydia set a hand on his legs without flinching as he leaned on Magnus' chest, "This is a good fort, I like this fort."

They all grinned and as Alec began to drift into sleep he heard them decide on Bolt, but was asleep before the movie began.

\---------

I'm sorry for those that wanted Sebastian to live to see redemption but by the time I decided that he was going to rescue Alec I had already decided that he was going to die as well, but yay... Caelen and Johnathan took him to the Angel, and settled him with a nice family in the afterlife, that's what they are doing with theirs, guiding people to the afterlife, especially frightened Nephilim and Warlocks.

And before you ask I have not decided on what exactly Alec's worst memory is, it's a toss up between him lying about not wanting Magnus to kiss him, Magnus kicking him out of the loft in the first chapter and something from Alec's past that we haven't explored yet or at all.


	5. The Fifth Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Alec dies for the fifth time
> 
> Awkward Jace is Awkward and embarassed.  
> Sex talk with Alec, Yay, poor Jace. I giggled a little as I wrote that part.

Summary: Alec dies for the fifth time

Awkward Jace is Awkward and embarrassed.  
Sex talk with Alec, Yay, poor Jace. I giggled a little as I wrote that part.

\---------

"Do you have to go?" Alec asked as he watched Magnus send clothes to his suitcase from their bed.

"I'm afraid so, darling, if it weren't mandatory for High Warlocks to attend I would not be going." Magnus assured Alec as he pressed a gentle kiss to his lips.

"Can I go?" 

"Warlocks only, I'd love you to come along, I'll call every night, I promise." Magnus told him.

"I don't want you to go." Alec whispered, "What if you don't come back?"

"Alexander..." Magnus said softly, sitting next to Alec on the bed and drawing him into his arms, "I know this is the first time we've been separated since Valentine took you two months ago, but I promise that I will always come back to you."

"Promise?" Alec whispered.

Magnus took Alec's hand in his and twisted the blue ring on his finger once, the blue magic pulsing once and swirling before the swirls darkened and danced in the center of the band, "I have to return so we can get married, don't I?"

"Are we engaged now, then?" Alec asked.

"Yes." Magnus said and pressed a soft kiss to Alec's lips.

"I want to marry you." Alec murmured.

Magnus kissed Alec's forehead, "Me too."

\------------

"Wow, when Lydia said you were being sad and mopey, I thought she was projecting, since Izzy is in Idris yelling at the Clave and rewriting some more laws." Jace said as he stared at Alec as he trained.

"I'm not being mopey."

"Hey, man I haven't seen you train here since you met Lewis." Jace said.

"Go away." Alec growled.

"He'll be back soon enough." Jace tried to reassure Alec.

"Unless it's in less then a minute it's not soon enough for me." Alec answered.

"How about we spar for a little bit, take your mind off of it." Jace offered.

Alec raised an eyebrow as Jace collected a pair of staves and threw one to Alec.

"Come on, I bet you, I don't know two days of being nice to Lewis verses two days of you being nice to Clary that I win." Jace said.

\--------------

Jace regretted everything as his back slammed down onto the mat yet again and his breath was knocked out of his lungs and, by the Angel, Jace would swear that Leander was going easy on him.

"That's, what? Three weeks of you being nice to Simon." Leander said as he stepped back so Jace could stand.

"You're not even sweating." Jace gasped as he rolled to his feet, a little shaky, "How is that even possible?"

Leander shrugged, "I once fought a Greater Demon for two hours before I managed a lucky hit that sent him to Edom."

"Two... two hours straight?" Jace gasped.

"Yeah, well, no back up for me to call, I was seventeen." Leander shrugged again, like it was something that he had done often.

"Seventeen?" Jace asked, "Shit, man, what haven't you done?"

"Magnus." Leander deadpanned and knocked Jace on his ass again while the man gaped at him in shock.

\------------

"So, you and Magnus haven't..." Jace made a hand wave that was meant to symbolize sex but really meant nothing to anyone but Jace.

Leander frowned in confusion, "Haven't what?"

"Sex." Jace whispered as he glanced around.

"No."

"Why not?" Jace asked, as the headed up to the roof.

"I don't know." Leander said as he sat on the little wall that surrounded the roof of the Institute, "Every time we get close to taking our clothes off while we're kissing he just stops."

"I want to say, ew, but um... have you considered that he's going slow for you?" Jace asked as he sat next to Leander.

"Why would you think that?" 

"Well, you haven't really had a lot of... let's call it stability, and this is your first relationship... maybe Magnus doesn't want to rush you. And considering your previous lack of residence he may be unsure of your knowledge about the... the thing." Jace said awkwardly.

"I know how sex works, Jace." Leander said bluntly.

Jace flinched so violently that he fell off the little wall and hit the roof top.

Leander stared down at him unimpressed, "I lived on the street, Jace, do you know how many times I woke up to couples and sometimes more banging around just feet away from where I made my nest?"

"I don't want to know, but maybe you should have this conversation with Magnus."

"This is really making you uncomfortable, isn't it?" Leander asked with a curious little head tilt.

"Yeah, kinda."

"Why?" Leander asked, "Is it the gay sex talk or just the sex talk?"

"It's the you and sex talk, I mean you've kind of become everybody's big brother or a father figure type thing, for Max and Lewis, and those are things you really don't want to think about family doing." Jace tried to explain but Leander still looked confused, "Look, I know you've got boundary issues from when you were a kid here, from your time on the streets, whatever, but sometimes you just have to asked what's appropriate and what's not."

"And sex talk with you is not appropriate?" Leander asked.

"Yeah, I mean I guess if you don't have any one else then I can... I'd still be uncomfortable but I can deal with that." Jace offered awkwardly as he remembered that Leander's social circle was mainly them and Magnus, "It's kind of like your mom handing you condoms and telling you to be safe you know, just really awkward."

"Ragnor turns a funny shade of green when I ask him questions." Leander said.

"You know what, I'm going to get you a book, maybe Clary can help me pick one." Jace muttered.

"A book on sex?" Leander asked.

"I feel like social norms and customs would be better." Jace said as he looked at Leander.

"Oh." Leander said, "Jace, this has been informative, thank you." 

"Yep, I'm just going to try to forget this conversation happened."

"Okay, you know if you ever have questions..."

"Nope! I'm out..." Jace scrambled towards the door as Leander laughed.

If the conversation hadn't happened Jace would have been proud to make the man laugh but you know somethings couldn't make other things better.

\-------------

"It was really awkward, okay." Jace whined into the pillow as Clary rubbed soothing circles into his back.

"What was?" Clary asked for the seventh time.

All Jace did was shove his face further into the pillow, making Clary sigh softly as she rubbed Jace's back.

\---------------------------

Alec tossed and turned in the big bed, he'd promised Magnus that he would try sleeping in the bed without him while he was gone instead of just sleeping in the nest under the bed. But he'd rarely slept in a bed before Magnus and after Magnus he hadn't really slept in the bed alone unless he was injured and even then Magnus managed to sneak his way next to him to Catarina's eternal exasperation.

The bed was too big without Magnus, Alec decided, too big, too empty. Alec wanted Magnus back.

Alec turned onto his back and looked at the ceiling, Magnus and him had put those mundane glow-in-the-dark stars there, Alec placing them in known constellations while Magnus just put them wherever until Alec had taken the larger stars away from him and handed him the tiny ones making the man pout prettily at him until Alec had kissed it away. When they had finished Magnus had put a little magic in each one so they twinkled even in the daytime, though not as brightly as they did now.

Angel, had it really been almost two years since he'd arrived in New York? Alec sighed, that means I'm twenty-two now.

Alec frowned up at the ceiling, he wondered when Magnus' birthday was or was it one of those things that the man didn't celebrate?

Alec turned over again and closed his eyes, trying to force him mind to settle down and to go to sleep, but an hour later and he was still wide awake.

Alec sighed and took Magnus' robe from the chair beside the bed and slipped it on letting Magnus' scent envelope him as he crawled under the bed in to the nest there, shifting the puppy, three kittens and The Chairman over as he tucked himself in, the animals cuddling up into his heat once he'd settled.

The puppy, Magnus had called it a hell-hound, managed to climb up onto his chest, it's newly opening eyes squinting at him, Magnus told him the male puppy most likely couldn't actually see him properly but Alec always made sure to smile at the still tiny thing. 

Ragnor had said that once it's eyes were open the puppy would start to actually grow because, according to most of the Lore he'd found, hell-hounds were abandoned once their eyes were open and this one likely had something wrong with it to be left on its own when it was still so vulnerable.

Like Chairman Meow, Alec didn't care, he'd seen how helpless the little thing was when he'd followed Chairman to one of the cat's own nests and had seen the cat trying to feed the poor things, and so Alec had asked Catarina what babies ate and had amended that to baby animals when she'd stared at him in shock and had started stuttering her was though how babies were made and how men could not in fact carry children.

She'd sighed in relief and told him and offered to answer any questions Alec had about how things worked, reminding him that she was a nurse. 

Alec just wondered why everyone seemed to think he had no clue about how sex worked, he'd lived on the streets, yes, but that just meant that he'd had seen how sex worked and on occasion didn't work, and how weird sex could sometimes be, there were times that Alec had just wondered how some people could actually enjoy certain things when they were being intimate.

Every one also seemed to be surprised at how he'd started kissing Magnus in front of them easily, especially Isabelle, but honestly, Alec had come to terms with being Gay long ago. He'd run away so he wouldn't have to deny that part of himself, and yes, he'd never thought that he'd be able to love who he wanted openly, but now that he could, now that he could kiss Magnus and not be De-Runed for it he wasn't going to waste a single second he had to love the man and show him that he loved him, Alec had never thought he'd live long enough to love someone like he loved Magnus, to be loved by someone like Magnus.

Alec could handle the glares from the older Shadowhunters and he could handle the questions from the younger ones, answered them with frank honesty that embarrassed the asker but Alec had no want to try to be polite, they wanted information and he gave it just as he always had.

Most of the younger Shadowhunters, now that they were free to explore, had. Alec had come across many young couples, not all of them male and female, not all of them couples and Alec wasn't even going to try to figure out how that worked, instead he had started keeping a supply of condoms and lube, next to some how to guides in his drawer for when young Shadowhunters came asking questions. And if sometimes they went missing without him giving them away, well, at least they were being safe.

Alec let his hand rest on the puppy as his eyes drifted closed and sleep finally claimed him, he hoped to dream of Magnus.

\---------

Alec was walking to the Institute from the Loft, Lydia had told him that his room at the Institute was still free if he'd rather stay there while Magnus was gone, but Alec hadn't wanted to do that, with or without Magnus, the Loft was home and that word felt almost strange to think.

How long had it been since Alec had actually referred to someplace as home. Twelve years? No, longer, the Institute hadn't been his home since he was very small and despite Ragnor's open offer to stay with him, the other Warlock's place had never felt like home. 

Before meeting Magnus Alec had called himself no one's child, called no place home, and while he still called himself no one's child, he'd finally found a place to call home.

Despite this Alec was wondering whether he should start talking to Maryse again, she had been trying to do better and while her interactions with Downworlders left a few things to be desired, she had admitted that that wasn't her strong suite and had allowed others to take those cases, even going so far as to talk to Lucian Greymark, Raphael Santiago, and Meliorn about having something they were calling Sensitivity classes. Basically a How to Treat you Neighborhood Downworlders 101 class, so far it had been really helpful for the younger generation, the older generation was having a little bit of difficulty changing their habits but there had been a marked difference.

But part of Alec didn't want to forgive her, like forgiving her for what she'd done to him would erase how she'd made him feel. He knew it made little sense and he had seen how wonderful she was with Jace, Isabelle, and Max and knew she'd become a better mother for them but then that made him wonder what was so wrong with him that she and Robert had hated him so, had hurt him so easily.

Alec shook his head to clear his thoughts, but was a nice night, there was no need to think such dark thoughts.

"I told you I'd see you again." A slippery, slimy voice called from the shadows.

Alec turned, his blade unlit, but in hand, "Hello, Asmodeus."

The creature sneered at him in it's human guise, his hair was dark, lank and stringy, his skin pale like snow, bones prominent, like he didn't eat enough, and his eyes, glowing a sickly green-yellow in the darkness, cold, dark, and hateful, so unlike the ones he saw set in Magnus' face.

"So polite when facing death." Asmodeus said.

"I have faced you before, I am not dead yet." Alec answered as an alert sounded on his phone, telling him that there was a Greater Demon in his vicinity, like he didn't know already.

"No, but this time, this time you will die." Asmodeus promised as he reached out to grab Alec with his left hand as the right stopped at the wrist and had only an index finger floating where it belonged.

Alec almost didn't hear Clary screaming 'James' as he was dragged down, down, down to Edom.

\--------------

Being dragged to Edom was different than being sent there. When Alec had been sent to Edom it was gentler, like going down a slide in a way, it was a smooth, nearly peaceful decent. Being dragged to Edom hurt, it felt like he was being torn apart and pieced back together, like being pulled through a bed of thorny rose bushes.

Alec gasped for breath as he rolled to his feet when Asmodeus release him upon landing.

"You're so weak that you have to bring me to your Realm to kill me?" Alec asked as he glared at the Demon.

Asmodeus snarled at him, his human Guise having been torn from him on their decent, now Alec was faced with the monster of his nightmares, the one thing that frightened him more than anything else, not that he'd ever show it, Alec knew better than to show any weakness, not when he had had no one to count on to look out for him.

"Pathetic." Alec sneered at the Demon.

The Demon leapt at him in fury and Alec braced himself for the fight of his life.

\------------

Alec didn't know how long he had been fighting Asmodeus, time always passed funny in the Hell Realms, but Alec could feel himself flagging, could feel himself tiring, he activated his Stamina Rune, knowing that if he faded too much he would die here, and he did not want to die here, what if he didn't come back this time, what if the Hell Realms made it impossible?

Asmodeus slunk over his hiding place, his form appearing like that of a Dragon only more snakelike and Alec could feel the acid slime from his scales drip down his cheek and he let out a reflexive hiss that had the Demon's head swinging back to gaze at him unblinkingly.

"Foouund yoouu." He hissed out and Alec dodged out of the way of a bolt of fire from his mouth.

At least fire would give him a quick death when the time came, and Alec sent an apology to Magns for thinking such, he was not giving up, not yet, he could last a while longer.

\--------------

Alec stared at what remained of Asmodeus for a long moment realizing that the body was not reforming as it had each time he had landed a killing blow before.

With his hand pressed tight against the killing blow Asmodeus had landed in his side, the only reason that Alec had been close enough to land his own on the Demon, Alec approached and nudged the thing with his foot, stumbling back when it burst into Ichor and ash, twisting away in the hearted wind that blew across him.

Alec turned around, he had to get home, he had to get to Magnus. Alec looked into the distance and closed his eyes, listening to the noise of Edom and then when Alec finally opened his eyes he began to walk.

\-----------

The demon burst into Ichor as Alec fell to his knees gasping and choking on his own blood. His vision was blurring, Alec was a little surprised he'd made it this far.

Alec tried to activate his Stamina Rune but it fizzled into nothing. Alec shook his head to clear it and black darted across his vision.

He could see the exit he and Ragnor had once used, he was almost there, he was almost home.

"Magnus." Alec whispered and forced himself to stand, stumbling a little under his own weight, "Magnus." He whispered again as he stumbled through the hole in the Warding of the Hell Realms and Alec fell and knew nothing more.

\--------

"Alexander!" Magnus cried as the man landed in the center of the Institute where Magnus had been telling Lydia and the others he had finally found the spell that would take them to where ever Alexander was, "Call Caterina!" He shouted as he lifted the injured man into his arms and ran to the Infirmary as the others followed.

\-------

"I'm sorry, Magnus but there isn't anything we can do, I've tried everything, this is something I have never seen before, the poison is literally eating his organs and every attempt to stop it just makes it happen faster." Catarina said softly, "He's awake and... you should go in and be with him."

\-------------

Magnus entered the room after he forced himself to stop crying, the Institute doctor had given Alexander a private room and Isabelle had been sitting with Alexander while Catarina talked with Magnus.

"I'll leave you two alone." Isabelle grinned, "I bet you can't wait to go home."

Magnus choked a little as the woman left, no doubt to talk with Catarina herself and Magnus found himself sitting next to Alexander and talking his hand.

\-------

"I'm dying, aren't I?" Alec asked softly as he gazed up at Magnus' sad expression from where his head lay on the pillow, it hurt to lift his head, even with the pain medication Catarina had no doubt given him.

Alec's whole body was alight with pain but there was an increasing emptiness inside his body that he knew meant nothing good.

"Alexander." Magnus whispered, his voice cracking in the middle and it broke Alec's heart to hear Magnus say his name like that.

"Don't lie to me, my Sunlight." Alec demanded, voice soft as he gasped in pain.

"Yes, Darling, Catarina says that the poison is eating your insides."

Alec nodded, just barely, "I'm sorry."

Magnus laughed, ugly and forced, harsh and sad, all at once, "Why are you apologizing to me? You are the one that is dying."

"Come here." Alec tugged weakly on Magnus' hand and Magnus crawled on to the bed with him and took him in his arms.

They faced each other as the lay in the small bed and Alec traced Magnus' cheek softly.

"I still want to marry you." Alec murmured, "When I wake up can we get married?"

Magnus let out a sob and crushed Alec to his chest, "Yes, yes, of course we will, when you wake up."

"Mmm." Alec hummed as his eyes drifted closed, "Don't let me go, Magnus."

"I won't, darling, I won't."

Alec hoped that whatever poison Asmodeus used would be stopped when he died, he hoped that being hurt in Edom would mean nothing in the grand scheme of things, he hoped that he would wake up but he could not bring himself to say anything about it if only so Magnus would not be disappointed should he never open his eyes again.

"I love you, Magnus." Alec murmured before all he felt was cold.

The last thing Alec heard was Magnus' own faltered 'I love you.'

And Alec was glad that the last face he might see was Magnus', that the last words he might hear were from Magnus, that they were words of love and Alec was only sad that they might be the last of Magnus he'd ever have.

\-------------

Magnus sobbed as he felt Alexander's breath against his chest first slow and then stop. Magnus pressed his leaking eyes tightly closed and buried his nose into Alexander's hair, letting out tiny gasps and hitching breathes as he mourned the loss of his love.

"I love you, Alexander, I love you, come back, come back to me, please." Magnus pleaded, "Please don't leave me here alone."

The door to the room opened nearly in audibly as Catarina stepped in.

"Please." Magnus begged, "Please, don't take him from me."

Catarina turned away from the scene, her hand over her mouth to stifle her own sobs, she had not expected Alec's strength to fail so soon, she had thought Magnus would have more time for his goodbyes.

Magnus' heart almost stopped when he felt a stuttering breath against his chest.

"Alexander?" Magnus asked as he pulled away a little to look down at the man.

Alexander's eyes fluttered a little and he blinked up blurrily at Magnus.

"Magnus?" Alexander whispered.

"Yes, darling?" Magnus answered, in shock awe and a healthy amount of gratefulness.

"I want stars." Alexander demanded.

Magnus laughed until he started to cry, as he pressed kisses to Alexander's lips, his hair, and every place he could reach as he pulled the man back into his arms and hugged him tightly, he did not know to whom he owed this miracle to, nor did he care, his Alexander was alive, this was one gift that Magnus was not going to question, a miracle he would not deny, not now and not later or ever.

Alexander was alive.

\-----------


	6. Telling Magnus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Alec tells Magnus

Summary: Alec tells Magnus

\-----------

Magnus settled Alec in their bed and tucked the blankets around him, helping the Chairman and the kittens and puppy up onto the bed to cuddle with Alec, pulling his hand back quickly as the little hell-hound nipped at him.

"I still don't see why I have to stay in bed for a week." Alec complained.

"Alexander, you died, and were that not enough all of your organs had to regrow, Caterina is still trying to figure out just how you came back." Magnus reminded him, as though Alec hadn't been there, couldn't feel some of his organs stop and restart.

"I..."

"And I'd quite like you to be nearby for a bit, when I returned and Clary told me what happened, I have never been so scared in my life." Magnus said, "And it took me entirely too long to find he spell that would take us to Edom after you."

"Don't feel guilty about not getting to me sooner, Magnus." Alec told him, "You tried, and I mean it's not really like I could have waited for you to get there." Alec shrugged.

"What exactly happened?" Magnus asked as he sat on the edge of the bed, facing Alec and taking his hand in his, "Clary didn't see what Demon took you only that you were there one moment and then gone the next."

Alec squeezed Magnus' hand, "Asmodeus came after me." 

Magnus stiffened and his fingers sparked in anger, "I'll kill him." Magnus growled lowly.

"I think I already did." Alec whispered.

Magnus looked at Alec, startled, "What do you mean?"

"I... we were in Edom and we were fighting and at the end he turned to ash and didn't reform like he had before and I don't know what that means." Alec explained.

Magnus frowned, "You'd been fighting..." Magnus shook his head, "Most Demons' power are fueled by their Realms, and some, like Asmodeus' are fueled by his children's power."

"How long ago did he fuel his Realm?" Alec asked.

"I am the only child he has still alive and I am more danger than it is worth, usually."

"So he ran out of power?"

"I believe so." Magnus said, "You should get some sleep." He told Alec as Alec yawned, "We'll talk more tomorrow."

Alec nodded sluggishly, sinking down into the pillows and blankets, catching Magnus' hand as the man stood, "Bed's too big without you, stay?"

Magnus smiled down at Alec softly and scooted the man over a little, "Of course, my Darling."

Alec laid his head on Magnus' chest and hummed a little before drifting off to sleep as Magnus rested him hand over Alec's which laid over Magnus' heart.

"I love you, Alexander." Magnus whispered into Alec's hair.

"Love too." Alec murmured, more asleep than awake.

\----------------

"So, how are you feeling?" Isabelle asked as she poked her head into the room.

Alec set his book on his lap, "I've been better, but my insides are where they should be, working like they should be."

"In other words, you're fine." Isabelle smiled as she sat in the chair next to the bed.

Alec shrugged, "I've been worse, and considering what happened, I'm really quite lucky to be alive."

Isabelle nodded, "I guess you are."

Alec was suddenly thankful that Catarina had decided to keep Alec's death between the three of them as Isabelle threw her arms around his neck and began to cry.

"I almost lost you, again, we just got you back and you were almost gone for good." Isabelle sobbed.

Alec began to rub her back soothingly, as he had often when they were still small.

"I'm sorry I scared you, Isabelle, I'm okay now." Alec murmured soothingly.

They stayed like that for a while until Isabelle pulled back and sniffled, "Mom wants to bring Max around tomorrow, I think she wants to talk to you a little, I know she... I know she hurt you and... and everything... but...."

"I think me and Maryse need to have a talk." Alec admitted.

Isabelle nodded and left it at that, telling Alec what had been going on at the Institute while he was indisposed in Edom for the last month.

\-------------

"Hello, Maryse." Alec said as his mother entered the room hesitantly, "Come on, I won't bite."

Maryse sat down in the chair by the bed.

"Where's Max?" Alec asked.

"Warlock Bane is showing him some ancient artifacts while we talk." Maryse said.

"Isabelle said you wanted to talk to me." Alec said as he stared at her.

"Yes, I..." Maryse looked away from Alec, "I never did right by you, not even when I thought you were dead, I let Robert speak so badly about you, you were a child and we had no right do do what we did to you."

"You're right, you didn't, you did something unforgivable, not just telling me I was better off dead, you were supposed to love me unconditionally, Maryse, that was your job as my mother, and you..." Alec took a shuddering breath and continued, "You broke me, Maryse Lightwood, in a way ten years living on my own didn't, in a way that I never knew could be fixed. You broke me in such small little pieces that I didn't even realize that I was in pieces."

Maryse looked both horrified and sad, "I can never give you an apology that will be enough to allow you to forgive me."

"I don't think I can forgive you, not for all the ways you hurt me, you weren't my mother, you weren't a parent to me, not like you are to Jace, to Isabelle, to Max, and nothing can ever make up for that." Alec said, softly, "At ten years old I made myself an orphan when I ran away, but I was an orphan long before then."

Alec stared at the crying woman, "I'm not entirely sure why you wanted to talk to me, but I know why I allowed it, I don't want to hate you anymore, I'm not strong enough to keep such hate burning for the rest of my life, I don't want to keep hating you." Alec traced the scars down his bare arms, his nightshirt having short sleeves, "Max called them marks of strength when I took him to the park, I never thought if them like that before he called them so. DO you know what I thought of them?"

Maryse stared at the marks and shook her head mutely.

"I thought of them as a mark of failure, a reminder of how I failed at on of the easiest things a Shadowhunter can do, die." Alec looked at Maryse's tearful face, "I don't hate you, Maryse, I don't want to carry that darkness inside me anymore, you can call it forgiveness if you want, if it helps you stay right for your children but I don't forgive you, I can't, forgiving you feels too much like absolving you of any wrong doing and what you did to me was wrong, it really was." 

Alec stared at the sobbing woman for a long moment, "And I can't be your son, I can't call you mother, because while you are a rather good one to Jace, Isabelle, and Max, I can never see you as mine, what you did for them you did not do for me and you cannot change that now. But, perhaps..." Alec didn't know how to offer a friendship, wasn't sure if friendship was the word for what he wanted, "We can talk some more, I can... I can teach you some of the things I learn when I was younger."

Maryse looked at the man who had grown up so well despite what start she had given him and nodded, "Maybe you and Warlock Bane can come to family dinner, I know Max would be thrilled."

"I'll... I'll think about it." Alec offered, he wasn't sure he was ready for that or if he ever would be.

"I'll send Max into see you."

\-----------

When Magnus peaked into the room three hours after young Maxwell had entered he had to smile, Maxwell was curled up into Alexander's side, asleep and Alexander's head rested atop the boy's, the book they must have been reading having fallen into Alexander's lap.

Magnus carefully lifted Maxwell up and soothed a blurry eyed Alexander as he glared at him before he recognized Magnus.

"What're you doin'?" Alexander asked.

"Maryse is ready to go back to the Institute, I'm going to portal them over and be back in a moment."

Alexander nodded and was asleep before Magnus even left the room.

\----------------

"I have something to tell you." Alec said as he sat at the dining table with Magnus as the man set their food down.

"Oh, what is it?" Magnus asked as he sat next to Alec.

"It's about Edom..." Alec started, "Well, not really, it's... it's complicated."

"Take your time, darling, I have no place to be unless Isabelle and Lydia have an emergency."

Alec nodded and took a deep breath, "Remember about a year ago, when I had that meeting and came back with a flower?"

"Yes." Magnus said slowly.

"I'd gone because I was called." Alec said, "Not a phone call, but something inside me tugged and wanted me to come to a place I have called the Field of Flowers since I was very small. I think it might have been the connection that tied me to the First Warlock."

Magnus choked a little and took a drink of water to help clear his throat, "Okay."

"I... the First Warlock is dead." Alec said softly, "But before he turned to dust he did something..."

Alec stopped and looked at Magnus, "I think he gave me his Immortality."

"That's impossible, that's not how it works, Alexander." Magnus explained, "If it was many Warlocks would pass their immortality off when they were done with living."

"I know but..., this wasn't the first time I died." Alec whispered as he picked at the table.

Magnus' fork clattered loudly against the table, "What?"

Alec looked at Magnus' shocked and terrified face.

"The first time was before Robert Lightwood was taken to Edom, he'd been sending Isabelle out without her whip and I wnet after her to keep her safe, I died when my blade entered my chest after I was thrown into a wall." Alec told Magnus.

"And you... you didn't tell me?" Magnus looked heartbroken.

"I didn't know what was happening, and I was scared, I was so scared, what if it wasn't from the First, what if it was a curse, what if it fades away as I get older?" Alec babbled, panicking slightly.

"Shhh, Alexander, I understand, I just, I thought you could trust me."

"I do, I do... I just didn't trust this." Alec exclaimed, "I didn't trust this to stay, I didn't trust that I'd get to stay with you, that I could have that happiness and not have to worry about it being taken away."

"Oh, Alexander." Magnus murmured and drew the man into his arms.

"It wasn't the last time I died this year." Alec whispered, "Just the first time."

"And the others?" Magnus asked as Alec drew away from Magnus.

"I... when you kicked me out..." Alec looked away, "There was someone in trouble, I tried to help... the memories are still a little fuzzy, like they are fogged over, you know..." Alec looked at Magnus, "But that's... I can sort of understand, I did get shot in the head, point blank range."

"No..." Magnus whispered, "The way you acted, Jace and I thought you'd gone out and gotten drunk."

Alec nodded, "I think my brain was still fixing itself when Jace found me, thus the way I acted."

"I'm so sorry, darling."

"I know." Alec said and smiled at Magnus.

"Why don't we finish this on the couch, I've lost my appetite." Magnus said and took Alec's hand and led him to the couch.

Magnus sat sideways on the couch, one bare foot press flat on the cushions aa he settled Alec in front of him and wrapped his arms around the man, "And the third time?"

"The hunt with Max." Alec said, "I think, I don't remember you getting there, I think I was already dead."

Magnus' breath hitched, "I thought... I thought you hadn't been breathing, but then you did and I didn't think it was anything but my own panicked mind playing tricks on me."

"I'm sorry, Magnus."

"No, darling, I'm just... I could have lost you so many times." Magnus whispered into Alec's hair.

"I died in the Field of Flowers, after Valentine tortured me, I died with Sebastian. That's why Valentine left me there, I was dead." Alec said softly, "Sebastian, he tried to save me and he failed and I'm... I'm sorry he died thinking that."

Magnus pressed a kiss to Alec's hair, "I'm sure that he knows he didn't."

Alec nodded, "And then you know about the most recent death."

"Why didn't you tell me then?" Magnus asked, "Why let me feel that grief?"

"I... I didn't know if I would come back, if wounds made in another Realm would change anything, I... I almost told you, but... but what if I didn't come back, what if you waited for me to come back and I didn't?" Alec asked, "I thought... I thought that would be worse than anything else, so, I didn't say anything."

Magnus squeezed Alec's waist, he understood, he understood why Alec had not said anything, how long would Magnus have waited for Alec to come back if Alec had said anything, how long would he have sat next to his corpse waiting for Alec to return to him?

Forever, Magnus realized, he have waited forever if it meant Alec's return to him.

Magnus pressed another kiss to Alec's hair.

"I love you, Alexander, please try not to die in the future." Magnus requested.

Alec grinned up at Magnus, "I will try not to die before our wedding."

Magnus stared down at his Shadowhunter, "Very well, until our wedding at least."

Alec leaned up and kissed the grin that danced onto Magnus' lips as he thought about marrying Alec.

"I love you too, Magnus, and I'd like to spend the rest of my life with you." Alec offered.

"I, too, would like to share my life with you." Magnus returned the offer.

"Then we are agreed, to the future we go, hand in hand."

Magnus took Alec's hands in his, "Hand in hand." He repeated and then he kissed Alec, the first of many.

\---------------------------------------

 

I want to write their wedding but this just seems like a good place to stop for this installment.


End file.
